Rest In Peace, Little Nugget

It is with great sadness that I post the last picture we have of our little Nugget when it's heart was still beating, taken last Wednesday.

When we went in for our First Trimester Triple Screen, we were told we were at an increased risk for Trisomy 18. We were given a 1 in 30 chance of having a baby with a chromosomal abnormality that made it incompatible with life. So, we scheduled a CVS for Friday to find out for sure. During the ultrasound prior to the procedure, we were told there was no need for chromosomal mapping as Nugget was no longer developing; the heart had stopped beating, mostly likely because it did in fact have an extra 18th chromosome in every cell of its little body. I was then told that because of how far along I was, there was really only one safe option: a D&C, wherein the baby and the rest of the reproductive matter would be removed surgically.

While the physical recovery from the procedure (which occurred Saturday) has not been too difficult, emotionally, I am all over the place. I am glad that nature took its course and that there was no tough decision to be made regarding a baby with Trisomy 18. I am so thankful for the healthy 18-month old (in 4 days!) that we have at home that proves we can make PERFECT babies. I want to be pregnant again and still very much look forward to bringing another baby home.

But I am so sad that it wasn't this baby. Nugget just didn't have what it takes to grow and flourish, and there is nothing that I can do about that. I miss being pregnant. I am sad that the daydreaming and planning and researching that I had been doing for Nugget has been in vain. Of course it doesn't seem "fair," though that is Mother Nature for you, I suppose. I know someone has to be that 1 out of 30. And as much as I tried to prepare myself to be that one, I couldn't help but think that I was really most likely to be one of the 29 out of 30 that had a healthy baby that I'd be welcoming into this world in late February. It is a little overwhelming.