Yesterday I said farewell to the old breast-pump, returning it to The Breastfeeding Center of Washington. Because I was exclusively pumping for the past month, this means that Eleanor only feasts on formula at this point. I feel so good to be rid of the thing - I no longer feel like a farm animal - but of course I'm sad to give up on my hopes of breastfeeding exclusively for 6 months. I only made it 6 weeks before we started introducing formula.But the various costs for me (to time, money, mental health, body image) were just too high and didn't outweigh the benefits. All of the things they say are so wonderful about breastfeeding - the bonding, the convenience, the savings, (the gigantic boobs?) - weren't wonderful to me. Instead of feeling bonded, I dreaded feeding time (OH MY GOD THE PAIN! Between the split nipples and the breast infection, I might choose delivery again over 6 weeks of breastfeeding). Nursing, with all its leaking and creams and nipple pads and special bras and tops was NOT convenient (and obviously exclusively pumping takes twice as long). We spent hundreds of dollars trying to make breastfeeding work. Between the equipment (aforementioned pump, creams, pads, bras, tops) and appointments with the lactation consultant (she said I had some of the worst - meaning "most damaged" - nipples she had ever seen after 2 weeks of nursing; they still are not healed after a month), it was definitely more expensive to breastfeed those 6 weeks than it would've been to feed her formula this whole time. So with a lot of encouragement from my husband and my family, Ellie has quit the boob.
There's still one bottle of breast-milk in the fridge. Perhaps I'll toast with Ellie to celebrate 8-weeks on Friday; she'll get the last of the milk, I'll have a glass of cab sauv. I'm proud of how hard I worked at breastfeeding, and if I can keep working that hard on raising this baby, she's going to be one happy girl.
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Yeah, definitely DO NOT feel bad....I had to quit after 2 months, but really should have quit sooner. I just kept thinking I was a bad mom if I didn't continue. As you can see Leks is a perfectly healthy, and actually developmentally advanced, little boy. I have no doubt the same will be said for little Ellie.
ReplyDeleteMost importantly, our little ones will appreciate a healthier, happier mom. I felt so free when I finally gave in...it was the best choice I have made since having Leks.
Way to go Lisa!!! Keep doing what you are doing, and you're right, Ellie will be one happy and lucky little lady.
Kat
Yay! I know you're disappointed, but I'm so glad you decided to stop putting yourself (and your nips) through all of this. I really admire you for sticking it out as long as you did but still realizing that the most important thing you can do for Ellie is to make yourself happy and healthy. And as a formula-fed baby myself I promise it's not the end of the world :)
ReplyDeleteAnd this will make meeing for a glass of wine after dinner SO much easier!
-Jen
Yes! A big addition to the "pro" column... more wine for you!
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