Quote of the day? The year?

"I'm going to go potty. I think there are some pee-pees in there that want to come out. They are yelling, 'Eleanor! Go upstairs and make pee-pees right now!'

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

Man, Oh Man

Life is good.

And this kid

really likes chocolate.

This Kid

Will eat anything. Yes, that is asparagus.

3 Years Old

Today, Eleanor is 3 years old. She is the most amazing little girl. She is brilliant and stubborn, fun-loving and shy, caring and independent. She loves reading, drawing, singing, dancing, and cuddling up with mama. I am a very, very lucky woman indeed.

Henry's Birth Story (the long version)

Henry's due date was August 26th, 2012, and the well-informed pregnant lady that I was really wanted to make it as close to that date as possible. Study upon study shows that the closer babies are to being born on their due date, the healthier they are. But let me tell you, by August 5th, I was d-o-n-e, DONE. It was one of the hottest summers on record in Virginia, and while I hadn't gained an obscene amount of weight, an extra 30 pounds was no fun to lug around as I tried to keep Eleanor entertained. We were honored to have Eleanor as the flower girl in Erin and Charlie's wedding on August 11th, but I kept hoping my midwife would suggest that I didn't go to the wedding (all she said was "Relax and have a BIG glass of wine"). I was so tired, and hot, and HUGE, I was ready and willing to miss out on this:

Clearly, I wasn't feeling well.

On the way down to and home from the wedding, I had some very intense Braxton Hicks contractions. So intense, that on the way home from the wedding at 10pm on the 11th, I was about 75% sure Henry's birthday was going to be 8/12/12. Turns out I just had to go to the bathroom.

Every day, I just kept telling anyone who would listen, "I am just so BIG. I just feel like he's so BIG. I have to go into labor any minute!" I would cry most nights, in pain, in frustration, in exhaustion. The side that Henry's back settled against was the only side with a stretch mark; my body just couldn't take it anymore. On August 19th, I called Jen in tears and said, "I just can't do this anymore. I can't. I don't know what to do." She brought me a special dessert, and within 12 hours of that phone call, I was in labor. I was right. My body was done. Henry was ready.

I woke to a contraction at 6am on August 20th. By the second one, about 8 minutes later, I knew I was having a baby that day. The same thing happened when I went into labor with Eleanor. Somehow, they were just different, more intense, more all-encompassing. I came downstairs with Eleanor to get breakfast and told Ryan that I was in labor. Our plan was to have my mom come up and get Eleanor so that I could labor at home as long as possible without scaring the little girl.

Also, call me crazy, but in the back of my mind, I wanted to labor at home as long as possible with the hope of having an unmedicated birth. I thought the ideal scenario would be that I would arrive at the hospital, already dilated 8 cm, as soon as I got in my room my water would break, and there would be no time for an epidural, no matter how many times I asked for one. Or heck, even better, it just wouldn't hurt nearly as badly as last time and I wouldn't feel as though I needed one! I don't know exactly why I hoped to experience this pain. Do I want to experience what it feels like to be shot or have a finger cut off? No. But the pain of childbirth has a sort of "sacredness" associated with it. I just wanted to know what it was like, to be able to watch a movie in which a woman is giving birth before the time of medication and to just know why exactly she was screaming like her guts were being ripped out of her. Strange? Perhaps.

Earlier, I had told my mom not to hurry, that it wasn't like we needed to get to the hospital right away, and she should just wait until morning rush hour traffic died down, so she got to our house around 9:30.  By that time, my contractions were very intense, happening every 3 minutes or so, and lasting about 30 seconds. I told here there was no reason to take Eleanor to Woodbridge, that I wouldn't make it at home much longer anyhow. I showered, dried my hair and paced around upstairs. Soon, the contractions were just coming and coming, and we could barely time them there was so little time in between. As soon as the stop watch (of course, on the iPhone) was stopped, it was started again. Within an hour, we had to leave for the hospital. The car ride to hospital was miserable. I was in the back seat of our little Mazda3, digging my fingers into the back seat head rest, cursing every piece of dirt on the road that made the car bump in the slightest. After a painful walk from the car to the hospital, I texted my midwife around 10:30 to say that we were there, and she met us at admissions. They monitored me for 20 minutes to make sure little Hen was tolerating labor ok, and I was told I was about 7 cm dilated. After another 30 or so, I began saying, "I can't do this anymore. I need something to help me." Karen checked me again, and I was 8 cm, so she said, "Look, how about this: I break your water, you have a baby." Every part of me was screaming to just say, "NO! DON'T BREAK MY WATER! JUST GIVE ME AN EPIDURAL!" This was my chance. I could get the drugs to make the stabbing, mind-numbing, ripping-your-guts-out pain turn into an intense, yet tolerable, feeling of pressure. Instead, I said, "Ok." Besides, she made it sound like it wouldn't take any time at all.

This is when things really got interesting.

As soon as my water broke, I became THAT WOMAN. You know the one in sitcoms and romantic comedies that is screaming at everyone in the hospital room? Begging for help, telling everyone she can't do this, that she just wants to go home, that they are hurting her? The one who terrifies every other pregnant woman being admitted to Labor and Delivery? The screaming pregnant woman is used as a comic farce, but let me tell you, there was NOTHING funny about this. I was scared. I was in so much pain, I was terrified that my body was just going to break. I kept telling Karen, my midwife, that she was hurting me, asking her why she would want to hurt me?! I moaned and screamed and pushed and pushed. At 12:07, about an hour and half after getting to the hospital, Henry was born. Though of course, it wasn't as easy as all that.

I was right all along: he was a big baby, weighing in at 9 pounds, 12 ounces and 22 inches long. And because he was so big, he was stuck, for about a minute, experiencing shoulder dystocia. (If you want to be scared about what COULD'VE happened to Henry and I, follow that link. If you don't like to think of the worst, just move on.) It was very scary for about a minute. Karen called the NICU team in just in case, and for a couple of minutes, Henry was not very responsive. He couldn't move his left arm and really had to be jostled into crying and opening up his airways. Oh, that and his face was absolutely black and blue.

I cried as he was on the little table next to me, kind of in a daze, asking if it was my fault. Did I not push hard enough? He initially was given an Apgar score of 3 (which is considered "critically low") though within a few minutes, was bumped up to a 9. Later, Karen would tell me that I could not deliver another baby like that. It was too dangerous, and that if I wanted more kids, we'd have to come up with a plan to monitor their size and perhaps induce delivery earlier. I think it is a very stressful and scary delivery for the midwife too. After it was clear that Henry was going to be fine, I delivered the placenta, which Karen showed everyone in the room. Apparently it too was gigantic. And then I got to hold him...

I've been in love ever since.

LOL

This Girl

So often, I find myself completely shaking at the core
with the intense love I have for this girl. 

Lately, I also find my hands quivering in frustration
at mothering an almost three-year old. 

Raising this child is the single most challenging and rewarding thing
I imagine I will ever experience. 

Sibs

It's Tough Being Almost 3

Sleep Training, Part II

So the second baby is getting the exact same treatment as the first: SLEEP TRAINING!

We started last night with Henry Michael Lee and let's just say, it could've been worse. He is just like his sister and wants to be held to sleep, and we have to give him the chance to learn that he can fall asleep and stay asleep all on his own. He went down at 7:30 with no problems, woke up at 10:55, cried for about 20 minutes, then woke up at 3:30 for a feeding. I have no problem getting up and feeding him once in the middle of the night still. While he's almost 5 months old, he's a big boy, and he needs a little extra to fuel his ever-growing body. So, up I went at 3:30. A little crying here and there between 4 and 5:30, but it is now 6:45 and I hear him just waking for the day.

And now we tackle naps....

Friday Night

Dinner with my man

2013

"No one longs for what he or she already has, and yet the accumulated insight of those wise about the spiritual life suggests that the reason so many of us cannot see the red X that marks the spot is because we are standing on it. The treasure we seek requires no lengthy expedition, no expensive equipment, no superior aptitude or special company. All we lack is the willingness to imagine that we already have everything we need. The only thing missing is our consent to be where we are.” ~Barbara Brown Taylor

I Scream, You Scream

Some Exciting News

Check this out!

http://www.amazon.com/Gated-City-Kindle-Single-ebook/dp/B005KGATLO/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1314978677&sr=1-1

And he's already sold 100 copies as of 10:30 am!

If you don't have a Kindle, there are a few other ways to read it. With an iPhone or an iPad, you can download a free Kindle app. I know the same goes for the Droid. Also, you can download "Kindle for my PC" for free and read it on your computer.

Ryan will tell you it's not the next Harry Potter or anything, but I am very proud of him. There will also be a small write up in the New York Times Sunday Book Review of it, which I'll try to remember to link to on Sunday.

I know there are quite a number of you all who took a lot of econ and/or urban planning classes, so you might really be interested in reading it.

Also, Ryan will be on MSNBC this afternoon talking about the jobs numbers that came out today, so if you are near a TV, check it out. I think it should be between 2 and 2:15...?

18 Months

At 18 months, Eleanor is adventurous and sweet. She repeats everything you say now and comes up with the funniest "sentences." Like yesterday: "Uh oh. Happened? Down!" as a way of saying, "Uh oh, what happened? They all fell down!" Every time she identifies something, she says hi and asks how it is doing (or what it is doing, it is unclear). Example: "Airplane! Hi! Doing?" She asks after her all of her extended family members regularly. "Tim? Doing? Bye Bye?" (And no, she hasn't seen Uncle Tim in over a month).

She weighs 30 pounds and is about 33 1/2 inches - still in the 95th percentile for weight and height. She wakes up at 6am and goes to be between 7pm and 7:30 and usually naps from noon - 2pm. She loves cheese and crackers and doing wooden puzzles and reading.

She is a wonderful little person, and these days particularly, I don't know what I would do without her.

Rest In Peace, Little Nugget

It is with great sadness that I post the last picture we have of our little Nugget when it's heart was still beating, taken last Wednesday.

When we went in for our First Trimester Triple Screen, we were told we were at an increased risk for Trisomy 18. We were given a 1 in 30 chance of having a baby with a chromosomal abnormality that made it incompatible with life. So, we scheduled a CVS for Friday to find out for sure. During the ultrasound prior to the procedure, we were told there was no need for chromosomal mapping as Nugget was no longer developing; the heart had stopped beating, mostly likely because it did in fact have an extra 18th chromosome in every cell of its little body. I was then told that because of how far along I was, there was really only one safe option: a D&C, wherein the baby and the rest of the reproductive matter would be removed surgically.

While the physical recovery from the procedure (which occurred Saturday) has not been too difficult, emotionally, I am all over the place. I am glad that nature took its course and that there was no tough decision to be made regarding a baby with Trisomy 18. I am so thankful for the healthy 18-month old (in 4 days!) that we have at home that proves we can make PERFECT babies. I want to be pregnant again and still very much look forward to bringing another baby home.

But I am so sad that it wasn't this baby. Nugget just didn't have what it takes to grow and flourish, and there is nothing that I can do about that. I miss being pregnant. I am sad that the daydreaming and planning and researching that I had been doing for Nugget has been in vain. Of course it doesn't seem "fair," though that is Mother Nature for you, I suppose. I know someone has to be that 1 out of 30. And as much as I tried to prepare myself to be that one, I couldn't help but think that I was really most likely to be one of the 29 out of 30 that had a healthy baby that I'd be welcoming into this world in late February. It is a little overwhelming.

Lions and Tigers and Bones, Oh My!

We took Eleanor to the best "zoo" ever: the Natural History Museum, where the animals stand there, completely still, for as long as you want to look at them.

She was probably just as fascinated with the videos as much as anything else.

"Survival Lessons Start Young"

She also learned a new word at the museum: "bones".

Family Portrait

And now for the update on the other little animal: 10 Weeks!

Though he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature.

He's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy.

If you could take a peek inside your womb, you'd spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin.

In other developments: Your baby's limbs can bend now. His hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from his spinal cord. Your baby's forehead temporarily bulges with his developing brain and sits very high on his head, which measures half the length of his body. From crown to rump, he's about 1 1/4 inches long. In the coming weeks, your baby will again double in size — to nearly 3 inches.

Free Lance Photographer

The other day I went over to take some pictures of little Jane, Eleanor's new best friend, for one of my best friend's, Jen. Jane is just so cute that I had to share a few. If anyone else needs a baby photographer, I like to be paid in old maternity clothes. :)

9 Week Update

While this isn't the highest quality picture ever, I'm thrilled with it. I don't often get pictures of Eleanor and I, and I'm happy my hand made this shot - my leg did too for that matter, but I cropped that pale thing out.

Speaking of pale things, I haven't taken any belly pics yet of me and #2 - there isn't much there to see. In fact, my stomach looks very similar to my 10 week pic posted with Eleanor. But #2 is doing quite well:

9 weeks: Your new resident is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. She's starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain.